Q: What did the Jewish pedophile say to the little boy after luring him into his car?
A: Hey, go easy on those fucking sweets.
Pedophile at Heavens Gates
A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He's stopped at the pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed: "You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven after you have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have a snowballs chance in hell of meeting god?" "Fuck God... I'm after the baby Jesus."
Q: What's the worst thing about being a pedophile?
A: Having to go to bed so early!
Q: What do you give the pedophile who has everything?
A: Another parish
You Can Do Better
A man went to the doctor for a check up. "How do you feel?" asked the doctor. "Fine." he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, "How many times do you have sex per month?" "About two or three," the man replied. "You should be doing better than that," the doctor offered. "Take these pills and come back in a month."
The man did and a month later he was again asked by the doctor, "How many times did you have sex last month?" "About two or three times," the man answered again. "I can't understand it," the doctor continued, "you should be doing much better than that." "I don't know," replied the man, "that's not bad for having no car and a small parish."