Marco?

Two young men sneak on to a blind man's property in order to steal something of value. The blind man hears them and goes to the door with his shot gun. The two young men, seeing the blind man, stand motionless. The blind calls out, "Marco!". Silence. He tries once more, "Marco!" More silence. One more time, "Marco!" One of the young men, tired of the game, yells out, "We aren't going to fall for that..." *BANG!

Never Left

My Uncle's last request was that he be pickled in alcohol and kept in the front room
He's here, in spirit

Half of One Year To Live

A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live. The doctor advises her to marry an economist and to live in South Dakota. The woman asks: "Will this cure my illness?" The doctor replies: "No, but the half year will seem pretty long."