Heaven and Smoking

Q: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to heaven?
A: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there.

Hippie Concoction

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up at the local casualty ward and a hippie is wheeled out on a gurney. The doctor questions his long-haired colleagues. ''So what was he doing then?'' asks the physician. ''Acid? Cannabis?'' ''Sort of,'' replies one of the hippies, nervously thumbing his caftan. ''But we ran out of gear, so I skinned up a homemade spliff.'' ''And what was in that?'' asks the doctor. ''Um, I kind of raided my girlfriend's spice rack.'' says the hippie. ''There was a bit of cumin, some turmeric and a little paprika.'' ''Well, that explains it,'' the doctor replies, looking at them gravely. ''He is in a Korma.''

The Lion

Q: What did the lion say when he saw two hunters in a jeep?
A: Meals on Wheels!