Preservatives

Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.

Three Men on Death Row

There were three men on death row, a Brit, an American, and a Pollock. They are all set to be put in the electric chair. The Brit gets strapped up first. The executioner asks if he's got any last words to say. The Brit says, "God bless the Queen and England." The executioner proceeds to the switch, but nothing happens. The executioner tells the Brit, that he'll come back for him. He then goes to the chair where the American is strapped down and asks for his last words. The Americian says, "God bless America." The executioner pulls the switch, but again nothing happens. The executioner tells the American to sit tight because he'll be back for him. He then walks over to the Pollock strapped in the seat and asks for his last words. The Pollock replies, "Yes, you forgot to plug the damn thing up, idiot!

Reunite the Beetles

Q: What would it take to reunite the Beatles?
A: Two more bullets.