Half of Everything

Three guys are walking in an abandoned warehouse. They find a genie bottle. They decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says, "I will grant you each one wish, but there's a catch. Whatever you wish for, a lawyer will get 2 times more than that." The first guy says, "I want a million dollars." The genie says, "Are you sure?" He says yes. *poof* The guy has one million dollars, and a lawyer gets two million. The second guy says "I want a new car." The genie says, "A lawyer is getting two new cars then." The guy says, "Oh well. I want my car." *poof* He has a new porche. The third guy says, "I want to be beaten half to death."

Grillin' with Dad

One day when I was young I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left and never came back. I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.

The Good Part

A doctor pulls the bedsheet over the face of one his patients. He turns to the nurse and says, “We’ll look on the bright side. At least he’s stable.”