Guess Who

Five kids just trick or treated at my door in the scariest most lifelike costumes I've ever seen. My heart is still pounding and I'm soaked in sweat. I just know I'll be having nightmares about this for years.
For a second I thought it was the real One Direction at my door.

Bill Clinton, Barack Obama and Al Gore

Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed.
Now they're in heaven, and God is sitting on the great golden throne.
God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replies, "Well, I believe that the internal combustion engine is the root of all evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?" Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things, and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain, but not inhaling." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then addresses Obama. "Barack Obama, what do you believe in?" Obama said, "I believe you're in my chair."

Charlie Wins

With all the negativity in the world today... 
...at least Charlie Sheen is staying positive.