Desperate Blonde

A depressed young blonde was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."  Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?", the Captain asked.  "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," the blonde explained. "He's feeding me, taking me to Europe and screwing me." "He sure is, lady... This is the Staten Island Ferry!"

Fresh Cut Sod

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck loaded with freshly-cut rolls of sod drove by. One of the blondes watched the truck then said,  " I'm going to do that when I win the lottery." " Do what?" asked the other blonde. "Send my lawn out to be mowed."

Rooftop Sunbathing

A rather well proportioned young blonde woman, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel.  She wore a bathing suit the first day, but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.  She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. 
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.  "The hotel doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly.  "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight!"