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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bartender Payback

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir. That'll be 1 cent."

"One cent?! That's awesome!" exclaimed the guy. He glances over the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?"

"Certainly, sir. That'll be four cents," replies the bartender.

"Four cents!?" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replies, "Upstairs with my wife."

"What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies... "Same as I'm doing to his business."

7 Shots of Vodka!

Man goes to the bar and says "bartender, give me 7 shots of Vodka." The bartender says "Ok, but pal you are gonna hurt yourself with that." The man says "Just pour them." The man takes the first shot and the bartender says "Hey, you want to talk about it?" The man says "No!" and drinks the next 2 shots. The bartender says "Come on and tell me about it I've got a good ear, that's why a lot of people come here for, to tell their troubles." The man by then has finished the 7 shots and says "Ok, today was my first blow job." The bartender says "Hey great, have another on the house." The man says "No, if 7 doesn't get the taste out, nothing will!"

Beer Note

One evening, Frank was drinking at a bar when the bartender came over to tell Frank that he had a telephone call. Frank had just bought another beer and he didn't want anyone else to drink it. So, Fred wrote a little sign and left it by his beer that read, "I spit in my beer." When Fred returned to his bar stool, there was another note beside his beer, "I spit in your beer, too!"

12 Year Old Scotch

A guy comes into a bar and asks the barman for twelve-year-old scotch. The barman thinks "This guy is pretty pretentious" and proceeds to pour him a drink of six-year-old scotch. He gives it to the customer who takes a drink, exclaiming, "This isn't twelve-year-old scotch, this is six-year-old scotch" The barman thinks, hey this guy knows what he's talking about, and the two of them get into a conversation about where the customer is from etc.. At one point an old guy, who was sitting at the other end of the bar comes over with a glass and hands it to the customer. The latter takes a drink, and spits it out. "This is piss!" he yells. The old guy nods and says, "Yeah, but how old am I?"

Brown Bag Surprise

One night a man walked into a bar with a brown paper bag. The woman sitting on the stool next to him asked him what it he had in there. He replies, "Sorry ma'am, I can't tell you. It's impolite." The woman kept asking, the man kept refusing until, finally, he told her, "Okay, if you must know, it's a pussy-eating frog." The woman insisted she didn't believe it and told him to come up to her hotel room and prove it. So the man followed her up to her room, she got into bed, he put the frog under the blanket and told it to eat. Nothing happened. The man kept telling the frog to eat. The woman began to get annoyed that nothing was happening. "Alright," said the man at length, "he's nervous. I'll have to show him how to do it all over again..."