Another Shot

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and asks him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

Midget goes Into a Bar

Did you hear about the midget who walked into the bar and kissed everybody in the joint?

What Is A Breathalyzer?

"Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a 'Breathalyzer'?" asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool."Well, I'd have to say it's a bag that tells you when you've drank way too much," answered the equally wasted gent. "Ah hell, whaddya know? I've been married to one of those for years and years now!"