Q: What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?
A: I've already got a lot of problems, and I don't need any of your drama.
What is a country song played backwards?
Your wife gets back with you, your dog comes back to life, your car starts, you get your job back and life is great.
Just been to see an art exhibition on depression. The pictures had hung themselves.
Phone a Friend
Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies. He manages to make contact with Abe the next day. Abe says, "I can't believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?" Max replies, "Well, it's great, but I've got good news, and I've got bad news. The good news is that there's a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we're playing "Sheherezade," your favorite piece, tomorrow night!" Abe says, "So what's the bad news?"Max replies, "Well, you're booked to play the solo!"
Name That Tune
A man faced with death will have his life spared if he can explain the song being visually represented by a flock of naked women.
The man is led to an empty concert hall where 8 naked women are being led in.
They were placed so that the first one was facing him, the second with her back to him, the third facing him, the fourth with her back to him, the fifth facing him, and the last three with their backs to him.
"Guess that song!" his oppressor demanded.
"Ah, that one's easy!," he exclaimed, triumphantly. "It's William Tell Overture... titty rump titty rump titty rump rump rump."