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The best jokes and joke writers!

Chuck, Jean Claud, and Arnold

Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day.  "If you were a musician, who would you be?", asked Chuck Norris.

"I think I would be Mozart," said Jean Claud VanDam.

"I would be Beethoven," said Chuck Norris.

Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach!"

Local Concert

Last month, the local orchestra decided to play Beethoven's 9th symphony. However, it being quite hot, the players were working up quite a sweat, until a neighbor let them use the ventilators in her house. However, the wind from these ventilators was causing the notes to blow all over the place, so they had to tie them down to the note holders. The din from the ventilators was so bad that the bassists decided it didn't matter if they downed a few drinks and got royally drunk. Two of the bassists got so drunk that they pass out. One of the violinists, in disgust, decided to go home but slipped and fell. Thus, it was the bottom of the 9th, the bassists were loaded, the score was tied with two men out, and the fans were roaring wild when one of the players slid home.

Tenors And Light Bulbs

Q: How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Six. One to do it, and five to say, "It's too high for him."

Wonder Car

Q: Where does Stevie Wonder park his car?

A: In blind spots.

Reggae Bands and Virgins

Q: What do reggae bands and virgins have in common?
A: They both have hymen!