A self-conscious bald man with a peg leg is invited to a costume party. The shop owner at the costume shop shows him a lifeguard costume. The man says, "No, no. I can't wear that. It will show off my peg leg." Next, the shop owner brings out a monk costume. The man says, "No, no. I can't wear that. It will show off my bald head." The annoyed shop owner returns with a five-pound bag of caramels and says, "Take these home, melt them, pour them all on your head, stick that peg leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple."
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover." "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too!"
Guy and a Brunette
Q: What do you call a good looking guy with a brunette?
A: A hostage.
Black White Red and Ho Ho Ho
Q: What is black, white and red all over, and says Ho Ho Ho?
A: Santa after coming down a dirty chimney.
Yo Mama - Skinny
Yo mama so skinny she can hula hoop a Cheerio.