Can You Help Me?

A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?".  "I'm sure I can.", the psychiatrist replied,  "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."

Locate your Heart

An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked exactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast. That night she went to the emergency room with a gun shot in the knee.

Yo Mama - Lantern

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she closes her mouth, her cheeks light up.