Animal Jokes - Sheep Jokes

A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man replies, "Not BAAAAD!"

"Finish your lima beans or you're not getting any heroin for dessert!"

"If you don't stop that this instant, I'll have Grandma perform another striptease for you."

"If this plexiglass wasn't between us, I'd wash your mouth out with soap, young man."

"Do you want me to put a tofu burrito in your pants? Well? Do You?!"

"Billy Bob, you finish them chores or Sis ain't goin' to the prom with ya!"

"Eat your brussel sprouts, or Mommy won't love you anymore."

"Lyle, Erik -- either behave, or go to your suites!"

"If you don't eat your peas, Chelsea, I'll make you stay at the Gingrich's house!"

"Don't make me put you back in the womb!"

"As long as you live under this roof, you're *going* to wear that dress, young man!"

"You just wait til your father gets paroled!"

"Stop crying, Lourdes, or Uncle Dennis will kick you in the groin."

"Young lady, don't make me send you to the Citadel!"

and the Number 1 Threat Used in Dysfunctional Families... "All right, Little Mister, no more time in the sheep pen for you!"

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

The strident prosecutor begins: ''Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the State will prove that this defendant did in fact discard his breeches and insert his member into the innocent sheep; that he did ejaculate into said sheep and remove his member, whereupon this sheep turned around and licked his member clean.'' Then one member of the jury turned and whispered to the other juror and said, ''The good ones will do that you know."

Q: Why do the Welsh shag sheep on cliff edges?

A: So the sheep push back harder!