Can You Hear the Fish?

Q:  What kind of fish will help you hear better?
A:  A herring aid!

Goldfish Dance

I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...

Steven Wright Jokes Continued

• Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" And I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."
• I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!
• Last week I bought a new phone. I took it out of the box, hooked it up to the wall... Pressed redial. The phone had a nervous breakdown. I got an answering machine for my phone. Now when I'm not home and somebody calls me up, they hear a recording of a busy signal.
• I like to leave messages before the beep.
• I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish freak out I go down to the pet store -- "Gimme another ten guppies, I got a lotta calls yesterday."
• I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.
• I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank."
• I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.
• I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.