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The best jokes and joke writers!

Perfect Customer

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

Giraffe and Dog

Q: What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog?

A: An animal that barks at low flying aircraft!

Telling the Difference

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?" This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours." The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing." "Okay, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars. Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose... they've pulled their collars off while they were playing." "There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"

Puppies Don't Surf The Web

Why Dogs don't surf the web...

  • Can't stick their heads out of Windows 2000.
  • Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
  • Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
  • Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
  • Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
  • Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
  • Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
  • Cause dogs aren't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
  • Barking in the next cubical keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
  • SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
  • SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
  • Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
  • Butt-sniffing is more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

Seeing Eye Dog

A blind man was out walking with his seeing eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head.

Having watched what happened, a passerby said, "Say, why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!"

"I know," said the blind man, "but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt."