Baby Bear's New Living

One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a divorce. The judge decided that baby bear was going to live with mama bear. Baby bear started to cry. "Whats wrong?" the judge asked baby bear. "I don't want to live with mama bear, she abuses me!" said baby bear. "Then, you can live with papa bear" said the judge. Baby bear started to cry even harder the judge asked him, "What's wrong?" Baby bear replied, "I don't want to live with papa bear he abuses me even more than mama bear does." "Then who do you want to live with?" asked the judge. Baby bear replied, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears, because they don't beat anyone!"

Slam Duck

Q: What do you call a duck who plays basketball?
A: A slam duck.

Penguin Field Trip

A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus. An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over. The zoo worker yells, "I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?" "Calm down," the bus driver says, "I did take the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the movies."