Redneck Guessing Game

Two rednecks, Jethro and Fester, meet on a country road. Jethro is carrying a big bag labeled, "CHICKENS." "CHICKENES, eh?" says the Fester. "Hmmmm, if I guesses how many chickens you gots in dat there bag, will you give me one?" "Heck," says the Jethro, "Iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of em." Fester scratches his head and guesses, "Ummmm... five?!"

Cat Quips!

• There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
• Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods... Cats have never forgotten this.
• Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs... You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.  
• Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
• People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.
• Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God!
• Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
• I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
• My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes.
• Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!

Elephant Tennis

Q: What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
A: Annette!