Old Rabbit and Snake

One day there was a rabbit and a snake who were both growing old and could not remember what animal they were. "OK I'll describe you and then see if you can guess what you are," said the snake. "That's a good idea," said the rabbit. "You are white, fluffy, and you have big ears and feet," said the snake. "Oh good, I'm a rabbit! So the rabbit says, "You are long, slim, and have a forked tongue." "OH NO, I'm a lawyer!"

The Octopus

A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!" The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!" The man say's to the bartender, "oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have. "The bartender replied back, "well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night! "The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar. The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimmy Hendricks! The bartender was amazed and says, "alright lets try one more". This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says "lets see him play this!" The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile. The bartender shouted out " See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments!" And the man replies, "Just give him a few more minutes...as soon as he figures out he can't have sex with it, he'll play it!"

Birds on Their Knees

Q: What birds spend all their time on their knees?
A: Birds of prey!