Alcohol Jokes - Others

A young man walks up and sits at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires."I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.

"6 shots! Are you celebrating something?"

"Yeah, my first blow job."

"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."

"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

I have got a drinking problem.... I've got two hands, but only one mouth...

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls.  We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask:  "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass   and having the Balls to say: "You're next, Chubby."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is No difference in the outcome. Both could result in death.

Never show a bar chart at an AA meeting.

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned."

Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"