Drinking on the Job
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hanger with nothing to do.
Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.
The next morning, Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! No hangover! NO bad side effects, Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover - nothing."
"We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well, there's just one thing...."
"Have you farted yet?"
"Well, DON'T - 'cause I'm in Phoenix!!!"
The Pepsi Plane Crash
There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed in the jungle. A few days later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane to search for the plane and crew. They found the wreckage, but were not able to locate the crew. They searched the area and met with a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief nods and simply says, "Yes...seen plane crash". When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi!" The Rescue crew was shocked. Another man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi!" Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi!" Finally, another rescuer had to ask, "Did you..you know...eat their...things?" The chief says, "NO, you idiot!... even cannibals know that...THINGS go better with Coke!"
Blonde On a Shakey Airplane
Q: What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake?
A: Must be an earthquake.
Bet On Questions
A lawyer and a regular average Joe are on a plane together. The pilot comes on the speaker and announces that the flight will take up to 16 hours. The lawyer turns to Joe and says, "Okay, I have a game we can play while we pass the time. You ask me any question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50. Then, I get to ask you a question, any question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5." The average Joe says, "Okay, what has four legs going up a hill, and three legs at the bottom?" The lawyer thinks for a moment, then hands Joe $50 and says, "Wow, that was tough. I don't know, what does have four legs going up a hill and three legs at the bottom?" Joe then hands the lawyer $5 and says to him, "There's your $5."
A representative for a condom company is on her way to a convention. While rushing through the airport, she drops the briefcase carrying her samples of condoms all over the floor. As she is stuffing all the condoms back into her briefcase, she notices tourists giving her crazy looks. "It's ok, she says, "I am doing a huge convention."