Dangerous Mix

This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action. 'It will give me time to get away' said the professor.

American University Grading Procedures

DEPT OF STATISTICS: - All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: - Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
DEPT OF HISTORY: - All students get the same grade they got last year.
DEPT OF RELEGION: - Grade is determined by God.
DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY: - What is a grade?
LAW SCHOOL: - Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
DEPT OF MATHEMATICS: - Grades are variable.
DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE: - If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
MUSIC DEPARTMENT: - Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION: - Everybody gets an A.

When the Boy Started Kindergarten

When the boy started Kindergarten, the teacher asked all the children to give their first name. When she got to the little boy in the second row, he said: "I'll give you a hint. First it's in your hand, then it's in your mouth, and then it's in your tummy." The teacher smiled and said, "OK, Dick, sit down."