Profession Jokes - Teacher Jokes
Q: Why did the student eat her homework?
A: Because the teacher said it would be a 'piece of cake'.
Boy: Will you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Boy: Good, cause I didn't do my homework!
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter. No other animal in the world does this. Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says. "Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher. "Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. The neighbor's Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!" and before he could say "FUCK OFF!", the dog ate him!"
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, "Buk Buk BUK."
The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, so she gives them three books, and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,"Buk Buk BuKKOOK!"
The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives the books to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, "Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!"
The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and down to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit....Rrredit....Rrredit...."
Little Johnny likes to gamble. One day, his dad gets a new job, so his family has to move to a new city. Johnny's dad thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling." He calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow, but he likes to gamble, so you'll have to keep an eye on him." The teacher says, "Okay," because she can handle it. The next day, Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny." She says, "Yes, I know who you are." Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you $10 you've got a mole on your butt." The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem, so she takes him up on the bet. She pulls her pants down, shows him her butt, and there is no mole. That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost $10 to the teacher and explains why. His dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost." The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem." Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your ass before the day was over."