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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bad Dream

This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a concerned look on his face. "Doc," he says, "I'm worried. It's that dream. I'm having it again." "What dream?" asked the shrink, not really paying attention. "You know," says the man, "the one where I'm into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or am I just beating a dead horse?"

Communication Problem

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me. The psychiatrist asked, "Don't you have a phone in your car?" The blonde explained, "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." "Uh, how's that working?" he asked. "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet," she said. "And why do you think that is?" The blonde said, "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

Deck of Cards

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!            

Psychiatrist:  Sit over there and I'll deal with you later!

I'm A Wheelbarrow

Patient: Doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow.

Psychiatrist: Don't let people push you around.

Split Personality

Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.

Psychiatrist: Nurse, bring in another chair!