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The best jokes and joke writers!

Story of My Friend

I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747.  I said "Hi Jack."  He shot me.

Old Pilots

OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane

Airline Food?!

Tower: "Delta 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"

Delta 702: "Tower, Delta 702 switching to Departure ... by the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Southwest 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7 ... did you copy the report from Delta?"

Southwest 635: "Southwest 635, cleared for takeoff ... and yes, we copied Delta and we've already notified our caterers."

Old Pilots Again

OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off

A No-Frills Airline

You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If:

  • They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
  • All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
  • Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
  • If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.
  • You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
  • Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
  • The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
  • When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
  • The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
  • You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once."
  • No movie. Don't need one.
  • Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
  • You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.
  • All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.