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Old Pilots
OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane
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Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Airline Food?!
Tower: "Delta 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"
Delta 702: "Tower, Delta 702 switching to Departure ... by the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Southwest 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7 ... did you copy the report from Delta?"
Southwest 635: "Southwest 635, cleared for takeoff ... and yes, we copied Delta and we've already notified our caterers."
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Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Old Pilots Again
OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off
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Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
A No-Frills Airline
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If:
- They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
- All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
- Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
- If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.
- You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
- Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
- The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
- When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
- The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
- You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once."
- No movie. Don't need one.
- Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
- You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.
- All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
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Ponder These
- If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Philip's Screwdriver?
- Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
- Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
- If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
- Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
- I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
- Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself.
- Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Iraq.
- Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....I could be eating a slow learner.
- What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?
- Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
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Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.

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