Estate Sale

Joe Smith is on his death bed, knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. So, he says to them: 
"Bernie, I want you to take the Avenue Road houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Rosedale."
"Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center Mall."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the Don Valley Ravine." 
The nurse is just blown away by all this , and as Joe slips away, she says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property." 
Sarah replies, "Property? .... the asshole had a paper route!" 

Old Local Blacksmith

An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.

Fired From Poultry Shop

Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop?
A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.