Doctor Says Ten

A man walks into the Doctors office. "I have the results of your test and I'm afraid you're going to die," says the Doctor. The man asks, "How long do I have to live?" "Ten," replies the Doctor. "What the heck does that mean," the man asks. "Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks. What?" The doctor replies "Nine."

Good News And Bad News

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Give me the bad news first.
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Helping Cure Depression

Patient:  Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed.
Doctor:  You should cut down on drinks.
Patient:  I don't touch a drop.
Doctor:  You should cut down on smoking.
Patient:  I don't smoke.
Doctor:  You should stop taking drugs.
Patient:  I don't do drugs, either.
Doctor:  You should cut down on womanizing.
Patient:  But, I haven't touched a woman in my life!
Doctor:  In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends!