Dog Vision

A blind man is at the optometrist’s with his guide dog. Both are facing the eye test chart on the wall. The optometrist takes the guide dog away, replaces it with another guide dog, and asks, “Is that better or worse?”

Curtains

"Doctor Doctor - I feel like a pair of curtains!"
"Pull yourself together man!"

Absentminded Doc!

A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear? In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims, - "Damn, some asshole has my pen!"