Bun Twitch

An obese woman goes to a doctor to be put on a drastic weight-loss program. The doctor tells her that she can eat anything she likes but that any food must be inserted up the anus. The woman agrees and four weeks later comes back for a check-up. The doctor is very pleased with the woman’s progress but is concerned that the woman’s hips keep twitching constantly. 
“When did that hip twitching start?” asks the doctor. “That's not twitching,” replies the woman. “I’m chewing gum.”

Death

Death: What some patients do in the end, to humiliate the doctor.

Dog Vision

A blind man is at the optometrist’s with his guide dog. Both are facing the eye test chart on the wall. The optometrist takes the guide dog away, replaces it with another guide dog, and asks, “Is that better or worse?”