Optician

A man goes into the optician and asks for his eyes to be tested because he suspected nearsightedness. The optician took the man outside and pointed to the sky saying "What's that up there?" The man replied "why, that's the sun!" On that the optician said, "How far do you want to see sir!"

Bad Temper Problem

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!

Mother Knows Best

My mother used to say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman.
Useless surgeon.