Bad Temper Problem

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!

Helping Cure Depression

Patient:  Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed.
Doctor:  You should cut down on drinks.
Patient:  I don't touch a drop.
Doctor:  You should cut down on smoking.
Patient:  I don't smoke.
Doctor:  You should stop taking drugs.
Patient:  I don't do drugs, either.
Doctor:  You should cut down on womanizing.
Patient:  But, I haven't touched a woman in my life!
Doctor:  In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends!

Mother Knows Best

My mother used to say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Lovely woman.
Useless surgeon.