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The best jokes and joke writers!

Lawyer and Pope go to Heaven

A lawyer and the Pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter.

They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute! That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?"

St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."

Lawyer's Birthday Gift

Q: What do you get a lawyer for his birthday?

A: Briefs!!

Origin of Lawyers

An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal sex?".  "Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from!"

Lawyer's Creed

Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.

Check Your Pocket

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was repeated for some time, until he finally looked into his pocket and told the bartender he'd had enough.The bartender said, "I have to ask you. What's with the pocket business?"

"Oh," said the man. "I have my lawyer's picture in here. When he starts to look honest, I know I've had enough."