Profession Jokes - Lawyer Jokes
Lawyer's Personal Injury
A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.
"I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000."
"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell 'fore'."
"I'll take it," the attorney said.
Q: What do you call an honest lawyer?
A: An oxymoron.
Helping a Criminal
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law BEFORE the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law AFTER the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.
Not So Fast!
Like a lot of young women these days, one of our secretaries had worked long and hard to put her boyfriend through college. After he graduated and passed his bar exam, I asked her if they planned to be married soon. She looked at me with a big smile and said, "Oh no! Not right away. I want him to practice for at least six months first."
Lawyer and Pope go to Heaven
A lawyer and the Pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter.
They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute! That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?"
St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."