Profession Jokes - Entertainer Jokes

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twenty. One to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, "I can do that!"

Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

A: Bach in the saddle again.

Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified.

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.

Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

A: Because he's Haydn!

Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket?

A: A Chopin Liszt.

Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A: A pair of Re-bachs.

Q: What do you call a male quartet?

A: Three men and a tenor.

Q: What do Mohammed and Douglas Adams have in common?

A: A deep, abiding respect for the value of a towel on the head.

A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich and a pint! The bartender is astounded by this talking flightless bird and asks about his life. The penguin goes on to explain that he is working at the building site across the road. Weeks go by and the penguin becomes a regular lunchtime fixture at the bar. One day a circus comes to town and who should walk into the pub, but the ringmaster. He starts chatting to the barman and learns of the talking penguin who frequents his establishment. Amazed at this and somewhat skeptical, the ringmaster retorts that if this is true then he would draw in the crowds with an act such as a talking Antarctic bird. The barman says that the penguin should be in soon as it was nearly lunchtime. So the King of the Ring sits in the corner and waits. Sure enough in walks the penguins and orders his pint of Guinness and his tuna sandwich. The ringmaster walks over after hearing the penguin's food request to introduce himself to the amazing bird. "Hello there," said the Ringmaster, "I run the circus that's in town and I am always on the lookout for new talent. Can I offer you a job?" "Is it that big tent in the park?" said the penguin. "Yes," replied the Ringmaster. "The big round tent with the pole sticking out at the top and the flaps and ropes?" "Yes, Yes my feathered friend." "Don't be daft," said the penguin. "I'm a plasterer!" and walked back to the building site.

The world's greatest hypnotist is on stage in front of hundreds of people swinging a long chain with a watch on the end. He's saying, "You're all in my power, you're all in my power." Fifteen hundred people are going,"Oooo..." He starts to say it again, "You're all in my...", when he accidentally drops the watch. He says, "Shit." It took them two weeks to dig everybody out.

Q: Did you hear about the human cannonball who lost his job?

A: They needed a guy of better caliber