We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Top 25 Engineer's Terms and Expressions

(What they say versus what they mean)

  1. A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.)
  2. Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.)
  3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We just hired three punk kids out of school.)
  4. Major technological breakthrough! (It works OK; but looks very hi-tech!)
  5. Customer satisfaction is believed assured. (We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.)
  6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive. (The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)
  7. Test results were extremely gratifying! (Unbelievable, it actually worked!)
  8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned. (The only guy who understood the thing quit.)
  9. It is in process. (It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.)
  10. We will look into it. (Forget it! We have enough problems already.)
  11. Please note and initial. (Let's spread the responsibility for this.)
  12. Give us the benefit of your thinking. (We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already done or with what we are going to do.)
  13. Give us your interpretation. (We can't wait to hear your bull.)
  14. See me or let's discuss. (Come to my office, I've messed up again.)
  15. All new. (Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.)
  16. Rugged. (Don't plan to lift it without major equipment.)
  17. Robust! (Rugged, but more so)
  18. Lightweight. (Slightly lighter than rugged)
  19. Years of development. (One finally worked)
  20. Energy saving. (Achieved when the power switch is off.)
  21. No maintenance. (Impossible to fix)
  22. Low maintenance. (Nearly impossible to fix)
  23. Fax me the data. (I'm too lazy to write it down.)
  24. We are following the standard! (That's the way we have always done it!)
  25. I didn't get your e-mail. (I haven't checked my e-mail for days.)

An Academic Problem

In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" Mathematician: "Never." Physicist: "In an infinite amount of time." Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."

Civil Engineer's Relationship

Q: Why was the civil engineer's relationship so unstable?

A: Because there was no truss left!

A Hooker And A Engineer

Q: What do you get when you cross a hooker with a systems engineer?

A: A fuckin know-it-all!

If Its Not Broke

Most people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it... Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.