Don't Drop the Soap

Q: Why did the prison switch to liquid soap?
A: It's harder to pick up.

Who's Got My Pen?

A doctor walked into a bank; preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great...some asshole's got my pen."

Light Bulb Changing

Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1, plus or minus 4 due to small sample size.