What is Intelligence?

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, ‘intelligence'?" The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!" The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand." 

More Hilarious Al Gore Quotes and Blunders

• "I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat."
• "A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
• "Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
• "Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
• "Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts."
• "Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
• "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
• "People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have tremendous impact on history."
• "When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
• "The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make."

Pregnant Maid

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking girl came in from the country and they hired her. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat.
One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit. "But why?", asked the disappointed wife.  She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well, on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant." 
The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have any children and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay."  She talked to her husband and he agreed.  So the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it and all went well. 
After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual once again.  In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby.
This time she worked for a week or two, but then said, "I am definitely leaving for good now."  "Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the lady of the house. "No," she said, "there are just too many kids here to pick up after!"