The Clergyman and the Young Farmer

A clergyman walking down a country lane sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."
"No thanks," said the young man.  "My father wouldn't like it."
"Don't be silly," the minister said, "everyone is entitled to a break!  Come and have a drink of water."
Again the young man protested that his father would be upset.
Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"
"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load of hay!"

Shame

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.

Getting A Date.

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning. She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?" He said, "Why,... Yes I am!" So they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny, he answered,"Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"