Mineral Shortage

Doctor: Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium.
Me: 0mg 

Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. "What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief. "Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

Horse Lover

A worried patient went to his psychiatrist. "I'm in love with my horse," he said .
"But that's nothing," replied the shrink. "A lot of people love animals. For instance, my wife and I have a dog that we love very much."
"Ah, but doctor," the patient replied. "It's a sexual attraction that I feel toward my horse."
"Ahhh!" exclaimed the doc. "What kind of a horse is it? Male or female?"
"Female, of course," said the bloke. "What do you think I am, a faggot!"