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Word Play Jokes - Private Parts
The Drunk Gets Fondled
Two drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his buddy and says "I gotta go use the can." So he wonders off to the bathroom and is gone for 5 ... 10... 20 minutes. Well his friend gets pissed off and goes in to get him. He finds him in there and asks "What the hell are you doing?" The first drunk replies "Everytime I flush, something reaches up and grabs my balls." The second drunk looks at him and says "Well ya dumbass, you sittin on the mop bucket"
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Penile Operation
A guy who has a stuttering problem goes in to his doctor and says, "Ex-ex-ex-cu-cu-se m-m-me d-d-oc but I I I have th-th-this st-st-stuttering problem and I I I was wo-wondering if you c-c-c-could help m-m-m-me."
"Well take off your clothes and get into this gown and let me check you over." The guy gets into the gown and the doc begins his check-up. The doctor is quite surprised: "I see what the problem is. Your penis is so large that it's pulling on you abdominal muscles which in turn is causing a strain on your vocal chords."
"W-w-w-well c-c-can you h-h-help m-m-me?"
"Sure I can but we'll need to cut off about 8 inches."
"I-I-I-I can't t-t-t-take this an-any more do it."
Six months later the guy goes back to the doc. "Well doc, I must say that the operation was a great success, but my sex life really sucks and I would like my operation reversed. Please put back what you took off."
The doc replies "F-f-f-f-f-fuck off!"
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Anything for Love
The beautiful secretary of a bank president goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client, out of the blue, asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her,... don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
After a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara. "The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem!! I have. I have." Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, "I also want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. And as a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France. "The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build. I build." Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis. "The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African dialect. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I cut! I cut!"
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