Jewish

Why haven't I ever met a full blooded Jew?
All of the ones I've met have just been Jew-ish.

Knock Knock - Ollie

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ollie!
Ollie who?
Ollie time you say that, I wish you would cut it out!

A Purple Heart

A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to the front door. His knock is answered by Gladys. "What do you want, sonny?" she asks him.
"Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night," he answers. The other two old spinsters gather around the door.
"Who's out there? Does he look decent?" they ask.
Gladys says, "It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on."
The other two spinsters giggle and say, "The hell with what color it is... let him in!"