Technology Jokes - Internet Jokes
Puppies Don't Surf The Web
Why Dogs don't surf the web...
- Can't stick their heads out of Windows 2000.
- Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
- Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
- Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
- Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
- Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
- Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
- Cause dogs aren't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
- Barking in the next cubical keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
- SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
- SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
- Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
- Butt-sniffing is more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
Internet Time
Q: Dad, is it true that spending time on the internet makes you dumber?"
A: "omg son lol"
Password Hell
WEBSITE: Please enter your new password.
USER: Cabbage
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: Boiled cabbage
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50damnboiledcabbages
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages
WEBSITE: Sorry the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow !
WEBSITE: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WEBSITE: Sorry, that password is already in use.
Virus Alert
There is a very dangerous virus going around and it is propogated through the email system. If you get an email message with the subject: "VIRUSALERT!" do not open the mail message. If you do, the virus scrambles the second half of every text file on your system. VERY IMPORTANT: If you do get this virus, the first thing dlkfjaiddfdjas nairb gfdq40wt yaj asdfsdg dluog av da[agj asdfajpg asdflasidffnm asd difvu asdfa vgoiae vdsofj we dasdf 9efm sd dag0 g adfjdl5gkj dkllj djf hsas9kaj kuieh nx3glkj gkdls kd li8siue ghkld hks1as dg 0vbwe ads gwefawe ads vewerwe dsf!
Some Whimsical Sayings
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
- There 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
- Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
- Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
- Every morning is the dawn of a new error...
- A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
- For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
- I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
- The beatings will continue until morale improves.
- I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
- Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
- Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
- Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
- There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
- I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
- I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
- Don't be so open-minded your brains will fall out.
- If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
- Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
- Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
- If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
- If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
- It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
- Help Wanted: Telepathy. You know where to apply.
- Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
- Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
- Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
- Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
- Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
- Dain bramaged.
- Department of Redundancy Department
- What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
- My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWLC:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN<-------- The information went data way -------->Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
- The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
- BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
- The name is Baud...... James Baud.
- Access denied--nah nah na na
