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The best jokes and joke writers!

Remember when, Technology...

Remember when ...

A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show, A window was something you hated to clean and ram was the cousin of a goat. Meg was the name of my girlfriend and gig was a job for the nights.

Now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment, a program was a TV show, a cursor used profanity, a keyboard was a piano, Memory was something that you lost with age, a CD was a bank account, and if you had a 3 1/2" floppy, you hoped nobody found out. Compress was something you did to the garbage not something you did to a file and if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for a while. Log on was adding wood to the fire, hard drive was a long trip on the road, a mouse pad was where a mouse lived, and a backup happened to your commode. Cut you did with a pocket knife, paste you did with glue, a web was a spider's home, and a virus was the flu. I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper, and the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash, but when it happens they wish they were dead.

Computer Died

Ted: Last night my computer died.

Ned: What did it die of?

Ted: A terminal illness

Cray Toaster

If Cray made toasters...

They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least for a couple of years.

Tech Support

Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but some of the following calls to a help desk show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Dell All-In-One desktop PC." Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded, "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe."

A customer who had just received a new Ultrabook asked about the power-saving feature known as "hibernate." "Will this hibernate feature work in the spring and summer?" The caller asked.

Computer Terms


A. The average IQ needed to understand a P.C. state - of - the - art computer you can't afford.

Q. Obsolete? 

A. Any computer you own.

Q. Microsecond?

A. The time it takes for your State - of - the - art computer to become obsolete.

Q. Syntax Error 

A.  "Hello, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.

Q. GUI (pronounced "gooey")?

A. What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.

Q. Computer Chip?

A. Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.

Q. Keyboard? 

A. The standard way to generate computer errors.

Q. Hard Drive?

A. The sales technique employed by most computer salesmen.

Q. Portable Computer?

A.  A device invented to force business men to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.

Q.  Disk  Crash?

 A.  A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

Q. Power User?

A.  Anyone who can format a disk from a DOS System.

Q. Update?

 A. A quick method of trashing ALL of your current software.