Golfer Hit the Ball a Long Way
A golfer hit his drive 300 yards right down the middle on the first hole. When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler and the ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2 iron which hit a tree and bounced back straight a thim. It hit him in the temple and killed him. He was at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter looked at the big book and said, "I see you were a golfer, is that correct?" "Yes, I am," he replied. St Peter then said, "Do you hit the ball a long way?" The golfer replied, "You bet. After all, I got here in 2, didn't I?"
Lawyer's Personal Injury
A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.
"I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000."
"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell 'fore'."
"I'll take it," the attorney said.
Four Worst Words
Q: What are the four worst words you could hear during a round of golf?
A: It's still your turn!
Priest and Nun Golfing
One day a priest and a nun went golfing. The first hole the priest missed an extremely easy putt. He shouted, "Damn, missed again." The nun, shocked, warned him, "God will get you for that." The next hole the same thing occurred. After the priest screamed "Damn It! Missed again" the nun repeated her warning, "God will get you for that!" On the third hole, the priest again missed, and cursed, but before the nun could repeat her warning, a bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and struck the nun dead. A deep voice from the clouds boomed out "Damn It! Missed again!"
Amateur golfer: Someone who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging and once again after swinging.
Oxymoron: An easy par three.
A Hack: when your divot flies further than your ball.
Bad Golfer: Someone who can take strokes off his game only with an eraser.
Duffer: The only guy in the world who has an unplayable lie when he tees up.
Mexican Hat Dance: Lots of spike marks around the hole.
In Jail: Deep in the trees with no shot out.
Worm Burner: a shot going a long way on the ground.