In The Bag

A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

A Vicar and Colin Golfing

A Vicar and his friend, Colin were playing golf. Colin misses a 3 foot putt and yells, "Goddamn it, missed the bugger!" and the vicar says, "If you keep saying that then God will punish you." Next hole Colin misses a 2 foot putt and says "Goddamn it, missed the bugger!" and the vicar says, "ONE more time Colin, and God will punish you!" Then Colin misses a one foot putt and "GOD DAMN IT!!! MISSED THE BUGGER!" Suddenly clouds form overhead. God comes down from Heaven and strikes the Vicar dead with a bolt of thunder. God says, "Goddamn it! Missed the bugger!"

Obama Golf

During his golfing vacation at Martha's Vineyard, President Obama had been slicing off the tee on every hole. He asked his Scottish caddy if he had noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replied: "Aye, there's a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver". The President picked up his driver and cleaned the club face, at which point the caddy said, "No, the other end".