High Stakes

A man with an average handicap decides to play a round of golf one day. He heads to the starters' area where he is paired with a woman. ''Damn, a woman," he says. "This is going to be horrible.'' As he approaches her, he finds that she is very beautiful and figures this might not be a bad day after all. They head out to the first hole. The man looks to his partner, and says, "If I hole this putt, would you consider going out to dinner with me tonight?" She agrees, so he lines it up, swings, and sinks it. They play a couple more holes and approach the ninth. Both are lying 3 on this long par 5 and again the man looks up to the woman before his putt. "If I hole this putt, will you kiss me goodbye after the date?" She says yes and he sinks the 10 footer for birdie. They approach the 17th and both are lying 2 on the par 4 hole. He looks up again. "Will you consider coming up to my apartment if I hole this put right here?" She says yes and he lines up the short 3-footer and right down the middle it goes. On the 18th, the woman is lying 3, about 40 feet from the hole. She looks to the man and says, "If I sink this putt, you have to screw me silly all night." The man says yes so she lines up her putt, takes a back-swing and.... "Wait, wait, wait!" the man says. "Pick it up, it's a gimme."

The Incredible Golf Ball

Two Golfers were approaching the first tee.
The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, "Hey, why don't you try this ball." He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. "Use this one - You can't lose it!"
His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!!"
The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it."
Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball?" The man replies, "I found it."
(Think about it... it'll come to you :)

Hole In One

Q: Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?
A: Just in case they get a hole in one.