Great to be a Woman

Reasons why it's great to be a woman:

1. Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies. 
2. Speeding ticket? What's that?
3. New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
4. If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud.
5. If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.
6. You can sleep your way to the top.
7. You can sue the President for sexual harassment.
8. It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
9. No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo.
10. Brad Pitt.
11. No one passes out when you take off your shoes.
12. Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.
13. If you forget to shave, no one has to know.
14. If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.
15. You have the ability to dress yourself.
16. If you marry someone twenty years younger, you're aware that you look like an idiot.
17. You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.
18. You can quickly end any fight by crying.
19. Your friends won't think you're weird if you ask whether there's spinach in your teeth.
20. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
21. You've never had a goatee.
22. You'll never regret piercing your ears.
23. You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
24. You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
25. You get to hate Kathie Lee in the way only another woman truly can.

Computer Experts

Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to find out whether a computer is male or female: one group was male, and the other group was female.
The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as "HE" because:

1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better model.

The group of men reported that computers should be refered to as "SHE" because:

1. No one, but, the creator understands their logic.
2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Guy Has 3 Questions in Heaven

This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions. Guy: "Why are girls so pretty?" God: "So you'll like them." Guy: "Why are girls soft?" God: "So you'll like them." Guy: "Why are girls so dumb?" God: "So they'll like you."