Sexist Jokes - About Men

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. He ties the girl to the bed and he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong, caring, loving. They'd be wrong, but you could still use them.

There's an old man laying on the beach naked and a little girl passes by. She stops and stairs at the man and asked "mister what is that thing between your legs?" The man says "oh that , well the thing that is standing is the bird the two things on the side are the eggs and the thing around it is the nest." The old man asked her to leave so he can get some sun. He falls asleep,  when he wakes up there are paramedics around him. He asked what happen.The paramedic said  "ask the little girl." The old man calls her over " what happened?" The little girl said "when you went to sleep I tried to make the bird fly, I pulled and pulled but he got big and spit at me so I kicked the bird, smashed the eggs and burned the nest..

Q: Why did God create men?

A: Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?