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Sexist Jokes - Private Parts
The Enchanted Snake
It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot- I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want." The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "OK, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding." The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes." The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror. Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted... "Oh My God... I was riding the MARE!
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69 Virgin
An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house of ill repute to experience his first sexual experience with a partner. He approached the madam and shyly asked if he could retain the services of one of her fine ladies. The Madam was happy to oblige and started to rattle off a list of services that could be purchased: straight lovemaking, 69, bj etc. Except for the lovemaking he was unaware of what all of the other services mentioned were, but was very curious. After she rattled off the menu the shy polite southern boy graciously asked for "that 69 thing" totally unaware what that might be. The Madam charged the boy and directed him to the room where this wonderful act would take place. Upon entering the room the boy was immediately pleased by the sight of his purchase and she asked him to disrobe and join her on the bed. As she was already naked, it seemed alright so he did as he was told and meekly joined her in bed and pulled the sheet over himself. Without warning the lady pulled off the sheet, flipped around and assumed the position. Other than being shocked by the predicament he found himself in he was pleased at the sensation and shock soon turned to pleasure. Shortly after this started the lady let out a small fart. The boy immediately noticed and although it was unpleasant he quickly forgot about it and continued. A short bit later the lady repeated this and again although it made him a bit sick to his stomach the rest of the activity was so pleasurable that he dismissed it. About a minute passed and the boy was now very excited and enjoying his purchase very much when without warning the lady dropped ass again and this time it seemed, at least to the boy that it was getting much more vile and unbearable so much so that he tapped the lady on the butt, signaling to stop and said in his most polite southern accent "Mam, I appreciate what you are tryin' to do for me and all, but I don't think I can stand 66 more of these"
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Getting the Girls
There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous chicks swarming all around him. Seeing this, a second guy strolls on up to him and asks, "What's your secret?" The guy whispers, "All you gotta do is stick a pickle in your pants." In a flourish, the second guy runs off and stuffs a pickle in his pants. But when he returns to the shore, he soon discovers that every single girl that looks his way, runs off screaming in bloody terror. Confused, he hurries over to the first guy and desperately asks, "Why are all the girls running away from me?" The first guy looks up and replies, "The pickle's on the wrong side."
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