All I Want

When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts. In high school, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability. I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement. I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition. After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned. Now all I want is a girl with large breasts!

A Husband

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Typical Women Quotes

1. So many men, so few can afford me.
2.  If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I'm not going.
3. My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
4. Coffee, chocolate, men... some things are just better rich.
5. Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen
6. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
7. Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.
8. Do not start with me, you will not win.
9. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
10. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen!