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The best jokes and joke writers!

Olympic Sex

A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100m finals

I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?"

"No," she said,

"Eight black men and a gun."

First Time

I lost my virginity to a retarded girl last night.

I wanted my first time to be special.

Girlfriend Yells During Sex

I was having sex with my girlfriend the other day and she kept yelling some other guy's name.  Who the heck is Rape?

Worse than Jack the Ripper

Q: What's worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?

A: Getting fingered by Captain Hook!

Restroom

A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about 10 minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering amd swearing very softly. The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is.

"Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and put a gun to my head."

"Jesus Christ! What happened?"

"He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!"

"Yeah, then what?"

"Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?"