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The best jokes and joke writers!

Poor Froggy

A little boy walks down the street with a dead frog on a string. He enters a whorehouse and approaches the madam. "Madam, I would like to have a girl for the afternoon." says the little boy. "Sonny, I think you're a little young for that." replies the madam. The little boy places a $100 bill in the madam's hand. "One lady coming up," says the madam. "And I want her to have herpes," says the little boy. "Why on earth would you want that?" asked the madam, "and anyway, I don't have any women like that. All my girls are clean." The little boy pulls out another $100 bill and gives it to the madam. "One dirty girl, coming up," she says. The madam takes the little boy upstairs and leaves him in a room with a well endowed blonde. When he comes down a little bit later, she says, "Son, I can understand you wanting to get laid, but why on earth would you want to catch something like herpes?" The little boy looks the madam straight in the eye and says, "It's like this lady... When I get home the babysitter's going to be there and I'm gonna fuck her and SHE'S going to get the herpes. Then when my mom and dad come home, my dad's going to take the babysitter home and fuck her and HE'S going to get the herpes. Then when my dad gets home, he's going to fuck my mom and SHE'S going to get the herpes. Then about 10 o'clock tomorrow morning, the mailman's going to show up at my house and fuck my mom and HE'S THE ONE THAT KILLED MY FUCKING FROG!"

Potato Hooker

Q: Three potatos are standing on a corner. Which one is a hooker?

A: The one saying, "I-DA-HO."

Learning

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other."

He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, "That was incredible!"

He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along." So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"

"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal."

Budget Crisis

An elderly couple were flat broke. They didn’t have a single dime and all options were exhausted. They decided that she had to sell herself on the street, so she went out for a day of prostitution. That evening, she came back and put 20 dollars and 10 cents on the table.

Old Man: What the hell! Who paid 10 cents?

Old Lady: Everybody

Lawn Sex

A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly, he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then, he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then, another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. "This is a brothel" replied the madam.

"Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man.

"Oh, we're having a yard sale today."